10th Jan 2021

Feeling generally more content and less in my head as of late. I also feel more sure of myself and am more ok with being misunderstood.

I also feel my phase of self-discovery in solitude is coming to an end soon, the urge to travel around (to places I can) has come back upon me as well as the urge to socialise more again as that has been dormant for a while now for several reasons.

Currently in battles with self destructive habits, ego and letting go of the past. Good news is I am seeing noticeable improvements in all three. Though it is still an ongoing process.

I know now that everyone shows love in different ways. Some people’s love stings as a way of sharpening you. Others love is nurturing and reassuring, others point out truths to you, often truths you don’t want to face as a way of aiding your growth. Some love is so bright it destroys the ego completely and allows you to see yourself, the positive and the negative and liberates you to love them both as one.

Sometimes love can feel like hate. Depending on the mind frame/perspective you have at the time. A very complicated state at times, makes you do/say/think things you normally wouldn’t.

Although when love is given out purely it tends to get taken for granted, mistaken for a weakness or seen as a compensation for something. When in a position like this it must be retracted, even only as a demonstration.

Personally, I’m struggling to determine at times if I’m making decisions out of love or due to hurt. My karma has been very good so I’d like to think that on a larger scale I’m doing the right thing.

Using Format